Establishing a sleep or bedtime routine is one of the most effective ways to help your child learn to fall asleep independently. As a baby and toddler sleep coach, I’ve seen firsthand how a well-structured routine can transform bedtime struggles into smooth, calm transitions to restful sleep. In this guide, I’ll walk you through creating a sleep routine that encourages independent sleep, helping your child feel secure and confident as they drift off to dreamland.

Why a Consistent Sleep Routine Matters

A consistent sleep or “bedtime” routine provides a sense of predictability and security for your little one, which can significantly impact their ability to fall asleep. By following a series of calming activities before bed, your child’s brain learns to associate these cues with sleep, making it easier for them to wind down and prepare for rest.

Benefits of a Sleep Routine

Establishes a Sleep-Wake Cycle: A predictable routine helps regulate your child’s internal clock, making it easier for them to fall asleep and wake up at consistent times.
Reduces Bedtime Resistance: Knowing what to expect can ease anxiety and reduce resistance to bedtime, making the process smoother for both you and your child.
Helps with Transitioning: A good sleep routine allows your child time to transition from active awake time, where their brains are producing hormones to keep them alert and awake, to calming and resting time triggering their brains to produce the hormone melatonin which promotes sleep.
Promotes Self-Soothing: A consistent routine helps your child develop self-soothing skills by signaling that bedtime is approaching and preparing them to fall asleep independently.

Steps to Create an Effective Sleep Routine

Set a Consistent Bedtime

Consistency is key when it comes to sleeping. Choose a time that works well for your child’s age and needs, and stick to it every night. A regular bedtime helps regulate your child’s internal clock and makes it easier for them to fall asleep and stay asleep. This also applies to daytime napping, though it will vary based on your child’s age with younger children having less structured days and older children more structured days.

Develop a Calming Pre-Sleep Ritual

An effective sleep routine will take 20 – 30 minutes and will include calming activities that help your child relax and wind down. I’ve listed some really effective examples below:

Taking a Warm Bath: A warm bath can be relaxing and help to bring down your little one’s energy levels from an exciting day! It is also soothing for some children when they are experiencing “big emotions” or feeling slightly under the weather.
Getting Dressed into Sleep Specific Clothing: Having specific sleep clothing like a sleep-sack or pajamas adds another element confirming that it is sleep time.
Reading a Book: Choose a soothing, age-appropriate book to read together. This quiet time can help your child transition from playtime to bedtime as they focus solely on what’s in front of them.
Sharing a Moment Together: Talk through a prayer, how their day was, or practice gratitude (like 3 reasons to be grateful). These shared moments build trust and a sense of bonding between you and your child and help them to feel safe at sleep time. It’s also a wonderful moment as a parent to truly connect with your child in a quiet, peaceful, 1:1 environment.
Listening to Soft Music, Sing a Lullaby or Song: Gentle, soothing music or singing can create a calming environment and help your child unwind.

Create a Relaxing Sleep Environment

Ensuring that your child’s sleep environment is conducive to rest is another key aspect of making a sleep routine work and having your little one stay asleep. Consider the following elements:

Comfortable Bedding: Use soft, comfortable sheets and, age-dependent, ensure that they have a safe sleep space.
Dim Lighting: Use dim lighting or a nightlight to create a calming atmosphere during the routine. Avoid bright or harsh lights that can interfere with your child’s ability to wind down.
White Noise Machine on: Use a white noise machine as another tool to trigger sleep time and reduce outside noises. Minimizing noise and distractions in your child’s room will help them stay focused on falling asleep.

And what about daytime naps? Steps to create an effective daytime nap routine

Throughout this guide I’ve used the words “sleep routine” and “bedtime routine” synonymously, as your sleep routine for a daytime nap should follow the same steps and flow as night time. The nap time sleep routine will however be slightly shorter, ideally around 15 minutes, as you probably won’t be bathing them before naps. The more consistent this routine is for every sleeping occasion, the more reassured your child becomes in the process.

“In general, I frame the entire experience as something calm, positive and great happening for our little ones, as sleep is something special that they get to do every night that makes them feel so good in the morning or after their nap.”

— Lara Gouws

So the big question! What does my children’s sleep routine look like? Read my 10 sleep routine steps below:

Consistent bedtime: My husband and I take our boys up for bedtime at exactly the same time every day of the week, give or take a few minutes dependent on their energy levels, how they feel and what we can see from their sleep cues.
Bath Time: They love bath time so we use this for calm play, washing and brushing teeth. If we notice that one of them (or both!) needs a bit of time to wind down from a tough or very exciting day, we might spend extra time enjoying the water.
Drying and 1-on-1 Attention: After bath time my husband and I each take a child and we spend some precious 1-on-1 time drying them and playing gentle games building trust and bonds. From here his routine looks exactly the same as mine (so he says), though he has his own lullaby and sleeping phrase.
PJ time: I put my child into their sleeping clothes, including their soft and snuggly sleep sack, which I make a big deal about being “so comfy and cozy!”
Dim the Lights: I get my little one to switch the big lights off, leaving only a dim glow light on for the rest of the sleep routine. My eldest gets to dim the light with the remote ensuring he is involved in the process.
White Noise on: I put our white noise machine on to signal quiet time has begun and to block out the majority of noises from outside of the room.
Story Time: Together we choose which book (or books for my 3-year old) we are going to read. I read the story lovingly, but not with too much excitement.
Quality Chat: I cuddle up and calmly talk about a few of the fun things we did that day, how much I love them with a big squeeze and kiss.
Lullaby: I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star twice; something I have done every night since each of them was 4 months old! Then it’s time for one last kiss good night.
Sleeping Phrase: I say “ I love you, see you in the morning” as my last words as I place them in bed awake and then walk away.

In general, I frame the entire experience as something calm, positive and great happening for our little ones, as sleep is something special that they get to do every night that makes them feel so good in the morning or after their nap.

Tips for Success

Be Patient and Consistent

Consistency is crucial when implementing a new sleep routine. Stick to the routine even if it takes some time for your child to adjust. Be patient and offer plenty of encouragement as they learn to fall asleep independently.

Adjust as Needed

Every child is different, and it’s important to tailor the routine to fit your child’s needs and preferences. If you notice that certain activities aren’t working or your child is having difficulty with the routine, make adjustments as needed.

Avoid Overstimulation Before Bed

In the hour leading up to bedtime, avoid stimulating activities that can make it harder for your child to wind down. Remove screen time (as blue light disrupts our body clocks), avoid vigorous play, and focus on calming activities that help prepare your child for sleep.

Remove Feeding from the Sleep Routine

If your child is still drinking a bottle or breastfeeding prior to sleep time, move this out of their sleep routine. Offer it before you start the routine and preferably not in their sleep space. By removing the feed from the sleep routine you stop the association of feeding to fall asleep which can significantly improve their ability to fall asleep independently both before and during sleep.

Key Takeaways

Creating a bedtime or sleep routine that promotes independent sleep involves establishing a consistent schedule and incorporating calming, positive activities like bathing, dimming the lights, reading a book and singing a lullaby. By setting up a predictable and soothing routine, you’ll help your child develop the skills they need for a restful night’s sleep.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should a bedtime or sleep routine be?

A bedtime or sleep routine should ideally last between 20 to 30 minutes. This gives your child enough time to wind down and transition from awake and active time to sleep.

What if my child resists the bedtime routine?

If your child resists the bedtime routine, it is important remain calm and consistent. It may take some time for your child to adjust if you are starting a new one or making significant changes to a prior one, so guide them through it gently whilst remaining patient, positive and extra loving during the process.

Do you still have questions after reading this guide? Please don’t hesitate to reach out, as I’d love to help you.

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